21 March 2013

Pity, Party of One

Now that I told y'all about the fabulous plans for my birthday, I suppose the expectation is to hear about all I got done during my quiet afternoon alone with my sewing machine and Dr. Pepper.

Well, it didn't happen. It sorta got forgotten and things got a little crazy and tense and disappointing. Suffice it to say, I spent the evening of my birthday eating a McDonald's cheeseburger in my car. By myself. My kids didn't know it was my birthday. My mom forgot too. At least, no phone call or Facebook message. My dad remembered. I know I should have just thrown a party for myself, but darn it, I'm tired of doing that. I read about women whose husbands go all out. I want one of those birthdays.

I'm not asking for your sympathy. I'm writing this as a therapeutic process. I think in the blogosphere we can be a little fake, or at least we don't shine a light on the difficult challenges we face. I can't do that this week.

Hi, my name is Jennie and I have a difficult marriage. No, that doesn't make me special or even unusual. This goes beyond my birthday, trust me. There are unresolved mental health issues we have to deal with.

So please never think that life is great over here. I struggle with a lot. Sewing is my happy place. I do it because playing around with fabric and colors and patterns makes me happy. It's not an escape, but it is something that's mine.

I did get some sewing done over the last few days. But it was my regularly interrupted sewing. You know the kind: mom-he-hit-me/Caroline-is-on-the-table/what's-for-dinner/Henry-spilled-milk-on-the-floor/the-toilet-is-clogged sort of sewing.

And now the guilt gifts are coming. I don't like the guilt gifts. And I think they are fabric ones, which will only serve to remind me of the miserable birthday I had.

19 comments:

  1. Oh boy, I'm sorry to hear that. One of the best things my husband ever did forme was to help me get over holidays and thereby avoid all the accompanying angst. It took a decade but it has really helped me recover drom some residual holiday feelings that were only making my life worse by hanging onto them... Maybe it wil help you too.

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  2. How brave you are! Agreed, blogs tend to make it seem like the worst thing anyone has to deal with is a messy house. Thanks for the refreshingly honest post. Hope your next special day is just that - special!

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  3. Well, that's just not fair. Especially when everyone else gets an all-out wonderful birthday. I'm sorry your special day was ruined by those who should especially been thinking of it. Mom should be the one treated the best of all.

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  4. Oh Jennie, I am so sorry. You deserved a truly special day. I hope things get better.

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  5. Bless your heart, Jenny. I feel for you. I'm glad you could write it out. I have had some similar experiences with hubby... one Christmas, not a single present for me. It was hard, and it's been a long haul these many years with other similar situations, but things have gotten better.

    It's hard when as a mom you work your tail off to make things special for everyone else, then when it's your day, no one makes it special for you. That sure bites. For my family, I realized that when one of their birthdays were coming up, I would talk about it and everyone would get excited for it. So, I figured why not talk about my birthday when it was coming up? It feels weird sometimes, but my kids deserve to remember their mom's birthday, and just maybe it will help a certain hubby remember, too. :)

    I really wish the best for you, and for what it's worth, Happy Birthday!

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  6. I've been involved in other blog niches and find the sewing community to be the least likely to share personal things publicly. I do think the swap and bee parts of the community offer a place to get to know each other better, but personal blog posts are few and far between. I've gone through the most trying time in my marriage over the last six months and know what a refuge time with my machine has become. It's taken a lot of hard work, but we're plowing through our struggles. I hope that things get a bit better for you. I would be pretty upset if my husband didn't remember enough to remind my kiddos too. Happy belated birthday. I hope that the fabric out of guilt doesn't take away from your joy of sewing with it.

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  7. I wish I had words to make it better for you. I too almost always suffer through the post-birthday blues. No one remembers, when it is celebrated it's someone else's favorite meal/cake/whatever. Usually, when the guilt gifts come, I immediately drop them off at the Goodwill (sometimes still in the wrapping paper). Then at least someone who doesn't know the story can enjoy them. I just didn't want you to feel alone in this. I love your blog, and I hope you get some more "me" sewing time soon.

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  8. Sorry, Jennie. That's especially hard when you go all-out for everyone else's birthdays. I'm sure there are quite a few of us out here who can relate to your day. Hope things are looking up for you soon.

    In the meantime, when life hands you guilt fabric, make something delicious. Just like lemons, but cuddlier. :)

    Be well!

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  9. Sending u hugs!!! Just know that friends can always make things better.

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  10. I absolutely LOVED your post :) ...not because you are sad... I am SO sorry about your birthday. :( I love your post because I feel your pain, most of us have at one time or another. I'm sure we aren't exactly the same, but you are not alone. :) Thank you so much for sharing! xoxoxo

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  11. I'm sorry that you had a difficult birthday. It was my birthday last week too, and I did have a mostly good day, but my morning was rotten. My husband had a dr's appointment and I had to watch the kids in the waiting room. Somehow they made 30 minutes seem like the longest four hours of my life! I hope you get some alone sewing time soon. I find it very therapeutic.

    beaniekins84(at)gmail(dot)com

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  12. Hey, happy unbirthday. I hope that you'll have some good stuff soon!

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  13. Glad you shared your day and were honest about how you felt. I too didn't get a present from my hubby on my bday, I guess cause I had told him the previous month a ring I bought was an early bday present. Never mind that we were on a trip for his birthday that I made all the arrangements for, plus spent a hundred times more than my hundred dollar ring. I'm in a difficult marriage too :(

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  14. Sorry for your sad times, honey, sending big hugs from London xx

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  15. I just came across your blog - LOVE the honesty! You go, Gal! Life isn't always a bowl of cherries - there's a lot of crap that comes along with being a daughter, sister, wife, mother - and if you happen to be the "responsible one", Hello - it can be down right terrible sometimes! But, know that it won't last, this too will pass, and tomorrow brings another day. Hang in there, I will be visiting you again. Oh, I am a NEW quilter so I look forward to seeing some neat stuff - when you get around to it! :D

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  16. When my daughter (29 now!) is feeling down I always send her a text and/or email that contains "Magic Mummy Hugs"...so I'm sending you some special "Magic Mummy Hugs" because you're never too old or far away for special love.

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  17. I had a similar birthday like that last year - not one of my family sent me a card and the calls came a couple of days late... I wanted to get really angry with them and tell them how they'd made me feel but in the end I just thought sod the lot of you and got me a bottle of wine and went to bed with happy feelings :o)

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  18. Hi Sweetie, (sorry for calling you such a personal name on my first comment to you, but I feel some common ground with you.) I just came to your blog through Lori Holt's blog and have enjoyed seeing your lovely quilts and the sweet pics of your kiddos. Mine are 20 (almost) and 24, so the chubby sweet days are gone. I just had to comment after reading your post today. Sooo sorry about your birthday: I've felt similarly, as very often none of my siblings OR my dad remember. And that's alot of people to forget about me, since I have 5 siblings! I always try to remember them on their B-days. So I have my own pity parties at the end of my birthday, but I try to keep them short!! :-) And I have a whole family full of mental health issues here and in my extended family, so I know that part of life too! Big, big hugs to you!! From what I've read so far, you are a wonderful person, so just keep doing what you are doing. I'm sure Heavenly Father loves you so much for being a good Mom and a forgiving (I hope, :-) wife. Hey, and you're moving to Boise? My mom was born & raised in Boise, & I was born in Caldwell. I love Idaho!! I was raised in the San Francisco bay area, but our vacations were in the Nampa area every year to see our grandparents, and I just love it there!
    Good luck on your move. I hope things are going well for you and you are closer to finding a home. God does provide. I remember when we got married we hadn't found an apartment till about a week before the date, & I didn't even get to see it since I was at work when it was available to be seen, and we couldn't even get into it till a week after we got back from our honeymoon, so we spent a week at his parents house (fun!!), but it ended up being a great apartment. So I know He looks out for us and gives us what is best, even if we have to wait till the best thing comes around! Have a great day and a wonderful weekend!! Helen in Healdsburg

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  19. Hi Sweetie, (sorry for calling you such a personal name on my first comment to you, but I feel some common ground with you.) I just came to your blog through Lori Holt's blog and have enjoyed seeing your lovely quilts and the sweet pics of your kiddos. Mine are 20 (almost) and 24, so the chubby sweet days are gone. I just had to comment after reading your post today. Sooo sorry about your birthday: I've felt similarly, as very often none of my siblings OR my dad remember. And that's alot of people to forget about me, since I have 5 siblings! I always try to remember them on their B-days. So I have my own pity parties at the end of my birthday, but I try to keep them short!! :-) And I have a whole family full of mental health issues here and in my extended family, so I know that part of life too! Big, big hugs to you!! From what I've read so far, you are a wonderful person, so just keep doing what you are doing. I'm sure Heavenly Father loves you so much for being a good Mom and a forgiving (I hope, :-) wife. Hey, and you're moving to Boise? My mom was born & raised in Boise, & I was born in Caldwell. I love Idaho!! I was raised in the San Francisco bay area, but our vacations were in the Nampa area every year to see our grandparents, and I just love it there!
    Good luck on your move. I hope things are going well for you and you are closer to finding a home. God does provide. I remember when we got married we hadn't found an apartment till about a week before the date, & I didn't even get to see it since I was at work when it was available to be seen, and we couldn't even get into it till a week after we got back from our honeymoon, so we spent a week at his parents house (fun!!), but it ended up being a great apartment. So I know He looks out for us and gives us what is best, even if we have to wait till the best thing comes around! Have a great day and a wonderful weekend!! Helen in Healdsburg

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"The more things you do, the more you can do."

Lucille Ball